© OUCHCharley, 2009.
I collapsed into myself. At 5 AM I wake up, go running, shower, breakfast, school, lunch, homework, dinner, walk with Mason, homework, sleep. Wake up. Repeat. Wednesdays I meet with Leif, Fridays are for Alyssa, Sundays we go grocery shopping. My first term back at school in over three years slipped by before I even had time to notice. Midterms. Finals. A 4.0 report card. I pull my head up and look around only long enough to reevaluate my game plan, ask my math professor for work to do on vacation, and quickly fold back in again.
Before we know it the days are shorter. It’s time to pull back out the alarm clock that slowly gets brighter, the happy light, the vitamin D. This year is different. This year I get a head start. This year I stay busy. I devour more books and research papers about all the things I need to do to stay in the proper headspace. To not lose my momentum. I plan my training runs into my class schedule, I automate all my meals, I take my vitamins, I write, I talk, I cling to my routine.
Juggling. Constantly. I work hard to find the overlap between all the things I’m doing. When a stranger asks me what I do I have a list to rattle off and when they follow-up with “So what do you do for fun then?” I repeat the things I just said.
We’re pushing forward. We’re constantly improving in every aspect of ourselves. I get so caught up in learning all I can, in being as consistent as possible, in taking care of each detail that I forget to ask the big questions. The “but what is it that you really want?” questions, the “what’s the point in all this?” questions. I forget to ask, “Is there anything that could ever make you happy, I mean, really?”
I forget to ask them, but find them answered anyway.
